Today, i was pissed off in the morning but now I'm happy, I was smiling.

Motorcycles and taxis
Why was I pissed off? Cause I was crossing the street (I DONT JAY) and I was walking slowly cause I was very tired, then the green man started to flash and then this motorbike cut in front of me and then a couple taxi honked so I walked faster and mind you, the green man was still flashing so technically it was my right of way and they were supposed to GIVE ME WAY! assholes.

Retreat
Then there was retreat and I teared twice but not full on crying like last year and the year before that... But It was just tearing. LIANA WAS SABOED by Father Simon and that was damn funny haha! I could get abs watching that again. Too bad I didn't have my phone. But I sang and didn't really talk much and by talk I mean share, cause I didn't have a partner seeing as how we were odd numbers. yupp. Then I went home. Walked to the MRT station w Lin Ying and then Ms Puja came up to me to talk about goodbye.

Idris
Then I was alone in the train. But not the whole way cause then I saw Idris and then he came by to talk to me. haha. It was nice to talk to someone after not talking for almost a whole day. SO he was like 'Can I join you?' cause the seat beside me was empty so I was like 'Yeah, sure no problem' Then we just started talking. The conversation starter,"So how are you?" I was laughing cause of thoughts of retreat you know, sharing. So I was like 'Fine. You?'

I: Okay. Mid-years uh?
Q:Oh, no. Mine are over. Today was retreat.
I:What's that? (you can imagine serious curiosity)
Q: Oh just sharing, problems, feelings, stuff like that. You don't have mid-years right? (I was applying contextual knowledge cause Ryan and I talk about it.)
I: Nope. We have common tests up till the end of term but we do have end of years.
Q: Oh. Post-exam activities are annoying. I've got lessons as a PEA.
I: (he laughed) I think I don't like about my school is that we have common tests till the end of term while you all have mid-years (and something else) and when you all finish end of years, we just start.
Q: (Obviously I laughed) Then I was like, OH you know yesterday I had malay oral. It was horrible. (I was thinking I had malay oral and you were talking to me in malay the other time.. haha)
I: Too bad your malay oral wasn't tomorrow or I'd be talking to you in malay.
Both of us laughed.

Course We talked quite a lot but it was superficial stuff cause obviously I wasn't going to delve into the deep with someone whom I've only started talking to last year eventhough he is my cousin's cousin (on the mother's side but i'm on the father's side so we aren't exactly related.)

We also talked about some people we knew, mutually. Haha, that was funny. I was laughing a lot.
I asked him about the people I knew in his school, he asked about Ashley. (He knows all the sec3 RI guys I know, but he didn't know ______. Three guesses who ________ is.)

Then he got off. But I was thinking about our conversation and I was smiling. Hey, like I said, it was nice to talk to someone even if it was just superficial conversation. It almost got deep, but I didn't want it to be like that. On the train. haha.

I cried today. In front of everyone. I am damn pissed. It isn't fair that he lets Nurul do what she wants, gets what she wants and get mediocre results but I can't do anything. I'm gonna read the chocolate affair since all I have left is AMath. I think I'm gonna go all quiet after this. I'll definitely talk less. I'm already starting too but that's partially because i expect people to talk to me but they dont so I don't talk and also because I still feel detached from everyone else. I don't know if they know or even care cause I'll keep feeling like a loser/loner until some one 'shows the faintest symptoms' of wanting to talk to me/being interested in what I say. I miss Nisha. But then she'd probably tell me something with that voice and make me feel dumb and I'll probably feel worse. I really want to cry. Everyone's got plans for after exams and obviously, I haven't been invited to any. I'm gonna make this post damn long so people get turned off by the words and won't bother reading this. I don't know how long I cried when I was on the way home, when I got home, when I was sitting on my bed feeling lousy. This isn't my totm cause I had it 2 weeks ago. So now let me emo over the sad state of my lonely and quiet life.

I'm damn dumb cause i lent my calculators to Manprit and I've got tuition tmr and forgot to take it back. damn.

I took a nice long shower today:) Washed my hair (with conditioner) and my face (haha after like 9h?). Was thinking of Blackhole and Brother during the physics paper cause both their names were Ryan. haha. I haven't blogged in forever. Mr Chan wants us to check facebook everyday in case of an urgent notice or something.

It's been what 5/6 months and I seriously miss you lah. We're getting S(can't spell her name) back and now that you know(if you ever read this of course), I hope you come back :)

Anw, the math paper was bleahh and exhausting. I expected it to be either a tad easier or challenging perhaps? I had 45mins left and I was done so I double checked and then stoned for the last 15mins.Yeah. Thenwent down and I hugged people in the canteen. Talked to Laksa and Lizzie(anakin!) haha. It was damn annoying cause Laksa was laughing at me lah. But it's okay cause I'm not as dumb as she thinks I am. HAHA!

Because Math was exhausting, my brain, super tired, couldn't concentrate properly on Physics and so I made tons and buns of mistakes which I had 45mins to correct thankfully. I don't know how many times I checked the damn paper so if I fail physics I'll blame whoever set the timetable.

So um anw, I'll be wasting my life for the geog paper and it's only 45mins. Yeah. AND(!) It's the only paper I have tmr -.- So I guess it's a macs breakfast and chionging chem lorh.I shall bring chem to school and bring home my ss that's been in my locker since our lockers have to be cleared for june hols anyway.

Speaking of which, London is cancelled and I am damn sad. So I hope Ryan still wants a gathering so that I have something to look forward to. But till then, I'll be more miserable than I'll appear to be :)

I DONT WANT RETREAT! And I hope they don't close down the schools or I'll be damn bored at home :( I already have a MONTH of boredom scheduled in 3weeks and 5 days. Huzzah! (note the unenthusiastic tone)

Labels: carelessly growing up and growing old